Not A Believer

 When I look back as a child, I was indoctrinated (I guess that's a word to use, hope it's not too loaded) in the Catholic faith. I went to Catholic private school from 2nd grade through the 9th grade.

I did all the perfunctory requirements, first communion, the Eucharest (forget what the hell that even means), going into a small booth and saying confession to a priest. All done without giving it a second thought. I mean "NO SECOND THOUGHT". That's just the way things are, and this is how the world is shaped.

Whether it's Islam in the Muslim world, Hindi in India, Mormonism, Scientology, Jehovah's Witness, and all the religions throughout past history, everyone of us is atheist. The big difference between atheists is this one thing--most atheists believe in their one true God, all the other gods are false. The other atheists go one step farther and say your god is not true either. 

One can blame our parents, society, culture for indoctrinating children into believing in any religion. But even without all that, as children we need to give agency/purpose to life. Even if it's not with our conscious mind. What's a river for--for boats to float down. What happens when you lose a tooth--the tooth fairy puts money under your pillow. And we all know about Santa Claus and the Easter bunny.

Ever wonder about the Easter bunny? When the Roman emperor (at least this is my interpretation) wanted to convert the masses to Roman Catholicism, he incorporated pagan holidays. So, while Easter celebrates the resurrection of Christ, it was also a pagan holiday celebrating the goddess of fertility, hence the eggs.

So perhaps, and I admit, I very well could be wrong. Also there's a certain comfort in being part of a tribe. It would be wonderful to believe I'm going to heaven when I die because I believe a certain thing (and of course all you bastards who don't believe the way I do are fucked), but I can't do that. I somewhat envy those who believe that. But at the same time, I used to be a believer and know the reality--and that is, I wasn't sure I was really "saved" and I asked God to save me probably over 1000 times. (And of course when I talk to Christians, oh they have no doubt whatsoever, they absolutely know the truth).

So, cognitive dissonance becomes part of the equation. And most, no matter how obvious, cannot look at simple facts and try to figure/reason within one's own mind. So one can look at a religion, especially if one has read/studied it, say Scientology, and know it's a cult, but to me all religions are cults.