Saturday, May 1, 2010

Citizen Gore-Iowahawk


Camera slowly zooms in between the security fence of a huge seaside mansion looming over the storm-tossed Pacific. Dissolve to a melting arctic ice floe, on which sits a distraught polar bear. As the camera pans back, we see it is a snow globe held in a man's hand, inside an opulent study paneled in Amazonian hardwood. Close-up of the man's lips, which whisper "Seagate." He drops the snow globe which crashes onto a priceless Persian rug in front of a roaring fireplace. In silhouette, a nurse enters the study and hurriedly covers his motionless body in a blanket. He expels one last mighty death fart, and is gone.



NEWS on the MARCH! In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure dome decree. Today, almost as legendary, is California's Montecito, the world's largest private environmental pleasure ground. Here a private mountain was commission and successfully built! 500,000 trees, 70,000 tons of cement, and 14 acres of seal fur carpet are the ingredients of this regal domain. Painting, pictures, Oscar statues, the very stones from many another palace from Earth's finest antiquities! A collection so vast it can never be appraised. Enough for 100 eco-museums, the loot of the planet. Montecito's livestock: the whales of the ocean, the fowl of the air, the beasts of the plain and jungle. A private Noah's ark of the world's rarest creatures awaiting the feasting table of Montecito's lord and ruler! Like the Pharaoh, he leaves many stones to mark his grave. Since the pyramids, Montecito is the costliest monument man has built to... himself!

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